Before I’m attacked by all the single ladies, please read on!
I recently read that when Rihanna was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show she said:
"I'm not dating anyone right now. I'm not dating at all. I'm not necessarily happy being single. It's not really that cool.”
The “It’s not really that cool [being single]” part of her comment doesn’t sit well with me. Granted she’s entitled to her opinion but when you’re in the public eye with the ability to influence your large fan base, how can you say being single isn’t cool? I’m quite certain the majority of her following is made up of impressionable youngsters (and impressionable adults). However, this blog isn’t an attack on Rihanna (and I’m sure she may have had her reason for saying what she said), but rather addressing what most people think but never express…that being single isn’t cool or even worst, it’s a curse.
I never knew a marital status can be labeled as being “cool or not cool”. What pressure this must put on single people (young or old). This is why it’s important to be free from people and situations! What’s not cool – contra Rihanna - is being in an abusive relationship, whether verbal or physical, being in an “in the meantime” relationship, being in a relationship simply because it’s perceived as being “cool”, being in a relationship because you can’t be happy without being in a relationship, being in a relationship because you need sex – the list of reasons are endless, but you get the picture. Listen, as you all know I love love and I love being in a relationship, but in the right relationship…a mature relationship. I’ve been in relationships which weren’t for me, of course at the time I didn’t know it, and each one took my heart, my peace and self-esteem on a blinded heart-wrenching emotional journey. I praise God for guiding me back into a place of stability, a place of healing – singleness – to restore, develop and teach me.
I’m single and I’m certainly not “uncool!” What’s cool, aside from the weather today, is discovering the “me, myself and I” = YOU! A lot of people lose their identity in relationships and become someone they’re not. You may think that it’s love but it could actually be a type of co-dependency (Definition of co-dependency: an unhealthy love and a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life.) Know the difference! It will surely save you a lot of heartache.
How to recognize the difference? Discovering who you are and not who someone else says you are, or who society says you are, or who the media tells you that you are. This type of dependency and insecurity robs us of so many things; our youthfulness being one of them. Too many voices cause distractions, which could equate to devastating long-lasting consequences. To avoid taking the brokenness, the distorted view of relationships, the insecurities and trust issues into a new relationship, takes a diligent pursuit to restore your psyche and human spirit. No one can do it for you, not even that “eye candy” you’re savouring over! Been there, done that, it didn’t work.
I know a young lady, 23 years old, a professional and already earning a lucrative salary. What an accomplishment at such a young age, right? But – there’s always a but – her greatest downfall is she can’t be alone. She hates being single. She must be in a relationship, claiming she needs love and needs sex. Not hiding behind a veil of words, we all need those things as well…but at what cost? Being on the constant prowl to find someone just to avoid the single status, the lonely nights and weekends, has immensely aged her. The girl looks as if she’s in her 30’s! Her self-esteem and self-worth have been stripped away. She cries herself to sleep every night, whether single or in a relationship. She’s an impetuous person. She’s now involved in a relationship with a man, whom she loves, but unfortunately he’s committed to an arranged marriage to a young lady back in his country (this is terribly wrong for that young lady, but I won’t go there!). He was upfront in telling her that he won’t marry her and isn’t committed to their “in the meantime” relationship. Knowing this, she continues to be enslaved to her “need to be in a relationship” and will “take whatever she can get” and, as she boldly states, will “deal with him leaving when that time comes.” Huh? I don’t get it! Do you really hate your own company that you would subject yourself to this torture?
It boils down to this…enjoy your singleness as you’re fulfilling your purpose. Regardless of all the philosophy, theory and theology out there, I believe at the right time the universe will introduce you to that person that’s for you!
So, in the meantime, keep your integrity and consistency which sets you apart from the “uncool” because you’re no ordinary woman. You will exude a beauty, inner and outwardly, that cannot be manufactured!
Spread your wings, look up and fly high!
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