Friday, December 3, 2010

Delay is not Denial by Denise Chand

I’ve decided to write about a recent conversation I had with two very special girlfriends of mine. A “quick bite” to eat turned into a 4-hour dinner at Marché, with us being “real” with each other without fear of judgment or being reprimanded. Now that’s how every woman should be with her girlfriends – true girlfriends, that is!

The names have been changed to protect the ladies in waiting!

I asked Anjali how was life in the area of love. She replied,
“Ladies, I’m going to be real with you…I’ve given up in that area. I’ve lost all hope.”
I replied, “I know you have. I knew it for a while now but didn’t trust what I was feeling.” She looked at me with tears in her eyes. Tina, my other friend, was quiet as thoughts blotted through her mind. I asked Anjali, “Why have you given up on love? Why have you lost hope?” Though I knew in my spirit she had given up on love, it nonetheless surprised me. Our friendship was strongly knitted together on our belief and desire for love. For years we’ve prayed and fasted together for God to divinely orchestrate our paths to meeting our beloveds. Over the years, we’ve cried together; celebrated each other; watched romantic movies almost every weekend to keep the flames of love lit in our hearts; wrote letters to God with a description of what we desired in a husband; we even made a list each of those we would like to attend our bridal showers so that the other two could plan the “surprise” bridal shower; we’ve cut pictures out of magazines of wedding dresses and wedding rings we fancied; we studied everything about diamonds (i.e. the cut, clarity, etc.) so when the time came we had knowledge of such treasures – we did all this and more to keep the candle of hope burning without it ever burning out. To now hear that she’s lost all hope and has given up on ever finding love, deeply troubled my heart. The tears were now forming in all three of our eyes – and the old school love songs playing in the background didn’t help in any way! We sat in silence for a minute or two, which seemed like an eternity pondering on this shocking revelation. After she wiped the tears off her cheeks, I asked Anjali, “Why have you given up?” She replied
“Again Ladies, I’m going to be real…it’s been a long time since I’ve been waiting. We’ve prayed, we’ve fasted, and we’ve done so much over the years where I don’t know what else to do. I’ve met men but they’ve all turned out to be a disappointment. I believe that I don’t deserve love.”
Again the silence hovered. Then we saw the index finger of Tina lift and point – and we know when the finger points, she’s about to speak which will require our undivided attention. “I find it hard to believe that God would forget us…that He wouldn’t honour our faith in Him for our soul mates. He’s always patrolling the borders of our hearts and knows what we desire. I can’t believe He wouldn’t honour this desire. You can’t lose hope…”

As I listened to the two speak, my mind found it extremely difficult to understand how someone can give up on love, when it’s the only thing which gives life to everything in life. This may sound poetic without me intending it to, but I’ve always told God that I’m lifeless without love; I’m like a deflated balloon without hope, desire, motivation and even the will to pray. I’ve told Him that without love I’m unable to worship Him and do the things He’s called me to do. If He doesn’t give me love, who will climb the mountains and swim the seas for Him, shouting to the world of His glory. I’m a super woman with love, and a defeated woman without. Like battery to a car, love is to me! To hear Anjali say she’s given up on love, to me it’s saying she’s given up on life, and merely existing on earth. We can’t merely exist – we must live. Without hope, we’re lifeless, so she can’t give up on hope. Emphatically no! I needed to save her from herself!

After I returned from journeying away from the conversation with my thoughts, I asked, “How then can you say you have faith in God when you’ve given up on Him ever connecting you to your husband?” She laughed. Tina laughed. I chuckled. Because they both knew I was having extreme difficulty comprehending everything I was hearing. Anjali replied,
 “Dede, I can separate the two…I can live without love and still have faith in God.”
What? Tina save me…all I’m hearing is Japanese coming out of Anjali’s mouth and I don’t understand Japanese! They both saw my eyes cross and then quickly separate like the hammer head shark – I could not understand Anjali’s response to my question! She explained. I listened. Tina listened. She continued to explain. I continued to listen. Tina continued to listen, this time shaking her head in agreement with Anjali. The infinite explanation of keeping the two separate – love and faith – took the conversation into lattes and dessert. By this time, I was starting to have an allergic reaction – not sure if it was the conversation or the fur vest I was wearing!

I looked at Anjali and boldly confirmed to her exactly what she feared about love and why. She was speechless (at times, I do have that effect on people!). I told her I’ve been there and know that place very well. I told her that I read hearts and have read hers! We shed some more tears. By now the couple next to us was engrossed in our conversation – actually the guy was. He had disconnected from his conversation with his girlfriend and joined ours…via eavesdropping!

Our evening ended with me asking Anjali to do what Abraham did – believed when all hope was gone.
Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping—believing that he would become the father of many nations. Romans 4:18 NLT
I also asked her to SEE that she deserves love – she deserves to love and to be loved!

Anjali promised that she would try. And that’s all I want is for her to try and not give up on love regardless of how long it’s been and all that’s happened. If we can have faith that God can heal us of any kind of sickness or disease, we can surely believe He’ll orchestrate our steps to meet our husbands. If we have faith that He’ll take care of all our financial needs, then we can surely believe He’ll orchestrate our steps to meet our husbands. The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Psalm 37:23 NLT

This blog is dedicated to you, “Anjali” – don’t give up, girl. Keep that light burning and keep it bright! I know it’s hard. I know it hurts. I know it’s scary. I know it’s a risk. I know! I know! I know! I intimately know these feelings and thoughts, but do not give up. Trust me on this one and you know I’m good for it – but most of all keep hope alive and trust God in this area of love. Go against all that’s coming up against you, thoughts and all, and you’ll see the delay is not denial. God is always on time!

“Tina” and I will be planning your surprise bridal shower soon!


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1 comment:

  1. My dearest Denise: thank you for this very real blog dedicated to the patient,enduring, faithful,strong,and loving "Anjali". I wept while reading of her despair(of course another attempt by the enemy), and burst with joy with your words of exhortation! I come into loving agreement and my confession is that "Anjali" will be engaged soon, and you and "Tina" will be planning her surprise bridal shower soon. God will be glorified by the miracle of their meeting, and in their marriage. "Have I not declared it? I shall accomplish that which I have said? My word shall not return to me void. You shall stand and see the arm of the Lord, and give Glory to His Name. It is I who shall complete the work. I do all things perfectly."