Saturday, October 30, 2010

Doomed or Groomed By Denise Chand

In 2007 I did an inquiry on single women in their mid-30’s and older. I asked both men and women their views on women who are in their mid-30’s, older and are single. Are their chances scarce in meeting someone, getting married and starting a family? This inquiry was provoked by a conversation I had with a colleague, who was 35 (at the time) and single. Her earnest desire was to meet someone, get married and start a family, as is the case for most of us. However, cupid’s arrow wasn’t aiming in the right direction; the only direction it aimed at was her heart, leaving her hopeless with a bleak outlook in ever finding love. She was often told by the men whom she dated and those in her circle of friends, that most men won’t get involved with women who are in their mid-30’s and older because chances of them getting pregnant are few and far between. This struck a chord with me where I wanted to meet these individuals to confirm my belief of them - that they were only 2 feet tall in personality and intelligence. It’s an injustice to call them men…they should be called empty barrels. Their “loud noise” had caused damage to her psyche. No matter what I said, I was unable to change her belief – that she was doomed. Society was telling her that she was getting old and her chances of getting pregnant were slim (I know many of us women are subject to this absurdity today) and now these men, who were educated (not that it means anything), were also confirming the same inane theory. Hello, remember Sarah and Abraham – obviously not, otherwise I wouldn’t have sent out the question.

Not surprising, the women who were empathizing with my colleague, didn’t reply – their silence confirmed their belief. However, there were few who shared my view – that this theory was absolutely absurd, and she needed to find new friends and be more meticulous in who she dates. However, what truly shocked me was a reply I received from a man, who was married with kids. He married a woman 10 years younger than himself. He confirmed my colleague’s dubious theory – that she was doomed at age 35 without a mate.
“…Now the bad part is that society also tells you to have a career and be independently wealthy so you don’t need a man. Well most people don’t achieve that kind of success career wise till their mid 30’s. So while you were looking down on the 25 yr old housewife with three kids when you were getting your Masters degree, now she’s laughing at you desperately trying to snag a man at 40 while she is back at work and her 10yr old is going to soccer practice.”
(I’ll give you a minute - go ahead pick up your jaw off the floor, calm your storm and continue reading! Like you, I also felt a surge of heat race through my body when I first read his response.)

This was the first and last I had ever heard of such thinking. Please don’t misinterpret this blog post…I’m not writing to attack anyone for having such views. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion – however, I caution you to not allow the opinions of others to determine your situation, your circumstance - your life! I’m writing to affirm to all the single ladies over 35 years old that you’re not doomed; rather, you’re well groomed – you were being groomed for such a time as this (remember Esther!). As mentioned above, everyone is entitled to his or her views with respect to situations within their personal world or in the world at large – and I have mine! I have faith! I believe in Jesus! I know that the Holy Spirit has taken residence in me; therefore, I have that same Spirit which raised Jesus from the grave living in me. Christianity is living – living in every essence of the word “living”. In brief, as a Believer, we know that our heavenly Father is the beginning and the end; therefore, we are in the middle – He knows our end from beginning. How then can we be disadvantaged or limited in life?

To break it down, I’ll briefly address the two issues:

1) Single and beautiful in your mid-30s and up. There’s no scarcity in God’s kingdom. He has many people in this land. His creation is massive; He has many children, so don’t be swayed by the loud noise around you. God said none shall lack her mate.

In attending to her daily life, which included a deeper relationship with God, Ruth was divinely placed to work in Boaz’s field – and you know the end result of her love story. Our Heavenly Father is our negotiator; He has been and is negotiating on our behalf just as He did for Ruth. Time is precious to God – Solomon confirms this in the book of Ecclesiastes, which means time isn’t wasted. Compare yourself to who are you today verses who you were 10 years ago, and you’ll see that you’ve evolved into a beautiful, well-balanced woman. You know who you are and what you want, you have a level of maturity which makes you sexy, you’re a career woman, you have an inherent confidence which commands attention wherever you go, you’re wiser, and you’ve gained much knowledge on relationships through your past relationships and observations of others. You’ve been groomed over the years just like Esther in every area of your life. God will restore all the years which have come and gone. The Lord says,
You were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for, [made His own]. So then, honor God and bring glory to Him in your body. 1Cor.6:20AMP
You will have a lineage! You’re a wonder, a peculiar person, a chosen woman, highly favoured, who is the apple of God’s eye. If you don’t believe, then I’m unable to help you see your inheritance in Christ Jesus.

It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. 13-14It's in Christ that you, once you heard the truth and believed it (this Message of your salvation), found yourselves home free—signed, sealed, and delivered by the Holy Spirit. This signet from God is the first instalment on what's coming, a reminder that we'll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life. Eph 1:11-14 MSG
To the women who truly believe they are doomed as is the rest of the single female population who are in their mid-30’s and older, all I can say to you is I’m sorry – I’m sorry that you feel this way. I’m not writing trying to convince you or anyone that Jesus is real and alive. I’m straight up telling you that He is!

Contrary to the above-captioned excerpt from an honest man (we must give credit where credit is due; he gave his honest opinion and we can’t wrong him for that), the only person laughing is YOU…you’re laughing like Sarah laughed at the glorious and praising life which God has planned for you. The only one doomed here is the man who is not worthy and deserving of a well groomed lady like yourself!

2) Where the Life-Giving Spirit resides, there will always be life. If that same Spirit which raised Jesus lives in you, then it means you have the life of God in every fibre of your being. Therefore, how can there be barrenness in your body; where there’s life, there is no death. Your body is very fertile, your womb is strong and so is your body to carry a child to full term (I realize this is a deep revelation, meditate on it and let it get into your spirit and then share your wondrous testimonies with me!). You’ll glorify God with your body by conceiving godly seeds the natural way.
“I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts. Joel 2:25(NLT)
Seek out of the book of the Lord…none shall want and lack her mate [in fulfillment]. Isa. 34:16(AMP).
God Bless,

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1 comment:

  1. You've left me speechless. You've nailed it on the head! And given single women no matter what age renewed hope. Society's outlook has always plagued us all with insecurities and as each year passes as we become more refinely groomed and nothing, per say, seems to change (seem - being the operative word), those insecurities seem to grow roots and entertain Society with "well, what if "Society" is right?" So if Society is rooting and waiting for everyone to fail - let's face it anytime a sentence begins with "Society says", we know it's not a positive message. So why let society play a role in me, in anyone for that matter. Greater is he that is in me, than of this world. Granted, Society's views may match some men's view out there. But really Society can have those men, because they are not worthy of me - I'm far too refined and groomed for them, need to find someone who recognizes a real gem when he meets her, no matter what age she may be! I'm going to prove Society wrong.